My wife and I just finished our vacation. It wasn’t any vacation, it was a nudist vacation. We find that a nudist vacation is the kind we love the best.
What does that mean?
For one thing, it means that of all the crap we had to pack, we didn’t have to pack many clothes. We had what we wore, a change of shirt, our pareos, a sweatshirt, and that’s about it. No giant suitcase that takes up half of the back of the car and weighs more than a small ocean liner.
The second great thing is that we got to go nude, that’s right, buck-asses naked, for nearly the whole time there. We stayed at Bare Oaks in Canada and, if you’ve never been there, go. It’s a great place and Stephane, the owner, tries hard to make sure you have a great time.
Also, we learned something. Being naked in the rain is handy. No wet clothes to hang up to not dry because everything is wet anyway. That leads me to the disaster of our nudist vacation.
Rain can destroy any camping trip. This is no different when the camping trip happens to be to a nudist facility. Now understand, my wife and I have been old school for years. We tent camp. I might say, we used to tent camp, but I’ll get to that. When it rains, and you tent, things get especially interesting.
Since we have been doing this for sometime, we carry a tarp that we put over the tent to keep it dry. Sure our tent has a rainfly. Don’t trust those! If it rains very hard for very long, it soaks through. Use a good plastic tarp. We had one and stayed nice and dry.
The problems came when it rained so hard we had to stay in the tent for long periods of time. Our tent says it sleep four, but that’s only if you are in a polyamorous relationship. It will sleep two comfortably in it’s spacious four by eight space. It is not where I want to spend hours at a time doing anything other than sleeping. Even sex gets crowded in there. After fourteen hours, we were about done being in a tent.
I think after about my third snarky comment, my wife was thinking of ways to slit a hole in the floor of the tent and bury me in the mud. I wasn’t that bad, she’s just touchy!
We also had some problems sleeping. We’ve gone through the whole blow-up mattress thing. They’re great if you don’t mind waking up once or twice in the middle of the night to blow the damned thing up again.
Ever try blowing up a mattress that your spouse refuses to get off of only because it’s 2am?
So we bought a nice comfy foam pad thing that packs up pretty small and is supposed to feel great. Maybe if you’re ten years old it feels great. To me it felt like someone had spread and handkerchief over the rocks under me and called it a mattress. By the third night, we both had bruises that refuse to go away even now. The foam thing either gave no cushion from the ground or we were nightly attacked by ball-bat carrying gnomes who beat us unmercifully.
After a fourteen hour ordeal of fending off mosquitos that somehow followed us into the tent, and those gnomes, we called it quits. We packed up the car, put on our clothes, yes in that order, and then got the hell out of there.
We were both disappointed. We love camping and we love being nudists. The two things together are a little slice of heaven. It will be more so once we get ourselves some sort of more comfortable mode of doing it.